Well, it’s that time of year again, people! Wedding season has officially arrived! Since Ryan and I are home in the States this week, we were lucky enough to be around to attend my cousin’s wedding this past weekend. It was SO great to be there and spend time with our entire family. After all, how often do you get to see your whole family in one place? It’s a pretty special time if you ask me.
Attending a wedding comes with certain expectations and there are always unspoken “rules” you should follow to the best of your ability. Oftentimes, wedding guest etiquette can be misunderstood or you may feel unsure on a few things. When these questions or doubts come to mind, always ask yourself how you would want to be treated at your own wedding, or what you would expect from your own guests.
While some “rules” have become outdated, wedding guest etiquette should not be something that is overlooked. Whether you’re attending a black tie wedding with 200 guests or a backyard ceremony with 25 guests, there are some general rules you should always follow. Here are my top things of what NOT to do at a wedding! Because we all want to be the perfect wedding guest, right?!
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Don’t RSVP late. Or worse, fail to RSVP at all
Unless you have been a part of planning a wedding yourself, it is almost impossible to understand how much money and time goes into the whole process. Almost everything revolves around the number of guests attending the wedding. The cost of vendors will depend on the total headcount, as well as the seating chart, favors, food, drinks, and more. Therefore, your RSVP is SO important. Furthermore, the timeliness of your response is just as important in order for the couple to meet their deadlines for placing orders. Don’t be that person that the couple has to chase down in order to get your response either! Otherwise, you may show up to the wedding and notice you have nowhere to sit. It’s usually incredibly easy to send your response in so just try and make it a priority for yourself.
Don’t bring a plus-one if your invitation doesn’t specify that one is invited
Unless your invitation clearly states you have been invited WITH a guest, do not show up with one! I shouldn’t have to repeat my rant on how the total headcount usually determines everything that is happening at the wedding. So, don’t mess that up for the couple by bringing an extra person with you. And on another note, if you did not receive “and Guest” (or something similar) on your invitation, DO NOT ask the couple if you can bring a plus-one. If the person you want to bring with you was not invited, chances are the couple does not want them at their wedding.
Don’t ignore the dress code
I will admit I chuckle when guests are confused on what to wear to a wedding. It’s a wedding! Most of the time, that means formal/semi-formal attire. Unless specifically stated, this means it is never okay to dress casually. And by casual I mean no shorts, T-shirts, flip-flops, jeans, etc. Furthermore, if the Bride and Groom specify a particular dress code on the invitation, follow it! They have probably chosen the dress code based upon the fanciness of the venue, as well as how they want their wedding day to feel. Whether they want to keep things formal or super casual, try your hardest to follow their wishes. If you are unsure about what their particular dress code means, you can always ask the Bride or Groom or even Google it (been there)! If a dress code is not specified anywhere, always dress up. It is better to be overdressed than underdressed.
Don’t wear white
This rule should be obvious but just in case, please do not wear white…or cream, or ivory, or anything in the white family. Even if you know the Bride is wearing blush or some color other, white is always off limits! You should also follow this rule for all other wedding events as well such as the engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner. Although it’s not a formal rule for all wedding events, it’s still good etiquette and respectful to the Bride.
Don’t skip the ceremony
The ceremony is THE most important part of the entire wedding. It is the whole reason as to why you are there in the first place. Therefore, you should never, never skip out. I know to some people, the thought of sitting through a 30-60 minute wedding ceremony sounds painful. You may rather be at the reception drinking, dancing, and eating all night. However, remember why you are there celebrating that day and just be present for the couple as they begin their marriage.
Don’t let your phone get in the way
Silence your phone for the day and be present in the moment. Also, do not, under any circumstances let you and your cell phone photography skills get in the way of the actual photographer. I have seen so many wedding photos showing the Bride walking down the aisle while all the guests are reaching out in front of her to try and get a photo. Meanwhile, the Groom is trying to peek his head through everyone’s arms so he can get a good look. I CAN’T STAND THIS! Not to mention, their wedding photos will forever have a sea of iPhones in them. I understand you may want to snap a few photos, just try and do it discretely. Also, if you just have a little patience, I’m sure the couple wouldn’t mind sharing their professional photos with you once they are ready. When it comes to being on your phone or snapping photos, stick to moderation, people!
Don’t show up without a gift
For some reason, I always thought this was a no-brainer. You go to a wedding, you buy the couple a gift. Somehow, people see this now as more of a suggestion than an absolute wedding-law. I just don’t get it! In my opinion, if you attend a wedding, you should always, always, always bring a gift. The only exception would be if maybe you purchased something from their registry and sent it to the couple before the wedding. In this case, you still shouldn’t show up completely empty-handed. A simple card giving your congratulations thoughtful and will be appreciated. So, whether you choose to give them cash or buy an item from the registry, gift something to help the newlyweds start their new life together.
Don’t leave before the couple cuts the cake
Yes, weddings can be long and you may not want to spend your entire day at someone’s wedding. However, you should never leave before they cut the cake (or dessert is served). This will usually be the last “thing” they do at the wedding before the party really gets going for the night. If you are a guest at the wedding, the Bride and Groom cherish your relationship with them and want you to be a part of their big day. Therefore, unless you have a good reason, don’t just leave after dinner is finished! Stay until all the “festivities” are over before you decide to call it a night.
Don’t complain
Don’t complain about the food, don’t complain about where you’re sitting, don’t complain about the bar situation…just don’t complain. Everything at the wedding is done for a specific reason, whether you would do it differently or not. Just remember that you are the guest and you don’t have to love everything. If you are not happy with something, try to focus on what you do like and keep your criticisms to yourself. As long as the couple is happy with the day, that’s all that really matters anyway, right?
Don’t cause a scene
An open bar and an emotional day can sometimes be a recipe for disaster. No one wants to see you cry because your boyfriend hasn’t proposed to you yet, or see you fight with that girl you hated in college. Tonight is not the night to share your problems with the world! Be respectful to the couple and don’t cause any drama. Furthermore, tonight is not the night to go shot for shot with your best friend. No one wants to be that drunken idiot everyone talks about for the next 10 years. It’s okay to enjoy yourself and have a good time, but just make sure you are not drawing too much attention to yourself. The couple should be the center of attention at all times!
What other wedding no-no’s do you think should be on the list? Have you ever witnessed some serious wedding guest mistakes? Let me know below, everyone loves hearing wedding disaster stories (haha)!
