A Letter To My Daughter On Her First Birthday

My Sweet Blair Bear,

Today you are ONE! I have no idea how we got here so quickly, but somehow you have blessed us with a whole year of YOU! I am still unsure whether or not I am struggling to find the right words, or whether I have too many words.

This past year has been such a whirlwind of events and emotions. It has truly been a honor to watch you grow, learn, and become Blair over the last year. But I must admit, I almost feel as though you have taught me more. I have learned patience, selflessness, strength, and you have softened me more than you know. I have learned how to be a mother; not a perfect mother, but the perfect mother for you, and you alone. Most importantly, you have taught me the true meaning of love. The bond we have already is indescribable and something that I will never take for granted. You’re my best friend and a living piece of me. After all, we had 9 extra months together that no one else had, and you are the only person who knows the sound of my heart from the inside. You encourage me to wake up every single day and be the best version of myself, so for that, I thank you.

I am so excited to see who you become over the next year. You are already so independent, strong-willed, curious, and the most friendly and loving little girl. You can’t help but bring a smile to everyone who comes in contact with you. You can clap, wave hello, give high-fives, give kisses, and even walk. Your favorite book is about unicorns and you fall madly in love with almost every stuffed animal you see. Sometimes you even squeeze them so hard your whole body shakes! You have 8 teeth already and love to say, “Dada & Mama”. You try every single day to convince Jax to be your best friend, but I think he’s still warming up to you. You play with your hair when you’re sleepy, and you love to play “Can’t catch me” around the house.

In many ways, we have had a very quiet and calm year together. Somehow in the blur of motherhood, I found many tender and peaceful moments with you. I held you while you slept, I held you in the middle of the night when you got lonely, I held you while I nursed you, and I held you when you needed to be comforted. Seeing you reach out for me and knowing that no one in the world can make you feel more at home is a feeling that I will never forget.

I couldn’t help but get emotional tonight when we sang you Happy Birthday for the first time. We brought you a big ol´chocolate cupcake with a pink glitter “1” candle. It dawned on me that you weren’t able to make a wish for yourself this year, and I found it to be a bit unfair. So because I didn’t want you to get jipped, I made a few wishes for you. I wished for health. I wished that you would always feel loved. I wished that you would feel worthy and find confidence. And above all, I wished that you would always find happiness in your life. Whether that’s in a job, a friend, family, a spouse, a hobby, or whatever, all I wish for you is that you lead a happy life. And while I know we will never have another quiet and calm year like this past one, one where you long to be in my arms, I hope you know that I will always be here to hold you. It has been the privilege of a lifetime to become your mother and I thank God every day that you picked us to be your family.

Happy Birthday B! I love you.

-Mommy